坚持下去的理由

每当我看见活在病痛之中的人，我常问自己到底为了什么要这么痛苦？？我常想如果放弃治疗，让自己安心的死去，或许对病人本身或是对周围的人都是一种解脱。渐渐的，我不再害怕死亡，我更害怕的是生不如死，被病痛折磨。直到我听到这首歌，这首歌的歌词确切地道出了到底是为了什么人会选择坚持下去。动人的旋律+确切的歌词+感人的MV= 太感人了，我哭了。。

尽了力就没那么难过。。

学校月考结束了，吸取了上次的教训我已经不敢对学生的成绩有太高的期望了。我知道只要我尽力了其它的一切并不是我能控制的。不出所料，她们又再一次令我失望了。其实我知道有一些人没有数学天份所以就算再努力也未必能考到好成绩，对于这些人我并没有生气，我有的只是同情。然而除了这一小撮没天份的学生，更多的是懒散不努力的人，面对这些‘废材’，除了生气便是失望了。虽然说还是会觉得难过和失望但这次我的心情平静了很多因为我终于明白只要我尽了力，其它的就顺其自然吧！！很开心因为我学会了：尽力，看开和放下。

心痛的感觉

伤心到底是怎么一回事？？心痛到底是怎样的滋味？？在今天之前我没办法给你很详细的描素，现在我能很清楚的告诉你：那种感觉真的很难受！！！时而欲哭无泪，时而眼泪在眼眶里打转，真的真的很难受！！人家常说，遇到不快乐的事时，不妨找个人倾诉，把事情说出来心情就会好点。但是，今天的我真的难过到不想再提这些事，我怕如果再提起，我的眼泪真的会忍不住掉下来。我真的无法想像在别人面前掉泪会是怎样的。难过的感受挥之不去，写着写着突然好想哭一场。。

自私？？

Remember what i wrote in my previous post?? I told myself tht i need to pratice the law of ‘听不到，看不到，不知道’but i found it's kinda hard to practice this. Yesterday there was an incident happended in my schl tht really touches my feeling. One of my students was sick, she wanted to go back home but no one at her home tht can fetch her back. So, her friends asked the help of teacher on-duty this week to send her back. The teacher refused by giving a silly reason : takut dijangkit H1N1. The teacher knew th the girl was having fever so she told the students she cant send her back home becoz worried will get fever if they r in the same car. The students were so shocked when they heard frm her!! Then, they went to GPK and the GPK told the students tht all teachers were busy and we cant send her back home, what we can do is to send her to hospital...Again the students were shocked to hear this!!! Actually all these got nothing to do with coz i am not the teacher on-duty and i am not the GPK too, then y am i so busybody??/

The truth is: actually right after the teacher on-duty refused to send the student back, the GPK came to the staff room. I was busying with the stupid SSDM thing when the GPK came. The GPK asked the help of a teacher who is free to send the student back. The teacher refused to send her back by giving many reasons (At the same time, there were a few teachers who r very free and busy with chit-chatting... ) Then, the GPK came to me. She asked whether i am free to send her back. I told her tht actually i got no class at tht time but i am busy with the SSDM, when she heard abt it she went off. Actually i got 2 reasons why i refused to help : 1st becoz i was really busy with the SSDM; 2nd : i am unhappy with the teachers, y cant they help since they r free?? At tht moment, i was thinking tht : since they can be selfish, y cant me?? So, i decided to be selfish this time and i refused to help. However, i felt bad immediately after i refused to help. After i rejected the GPK, i continued with my work. When i juz finished my work, the patient's friends came to me again. They told me tht the girl is feeling very bad and she really needs to go back home... since i have finished my work so i told the girls tht i can send her back now and i told the girls to inform her family members 1st. When i was ready to go, i realised tht actually her mother found other friends to pick her daughter up. So, at last i tak jadi send the girl back home..

I am feeling very bad because of my own selfishness (is this a correct word??) , i chose to become a bit selfishness but i nvr realise tht this will make me feel so bad!!! Actually, now the students who know abt this incident all saying tht teachers r very selfish!!! They cant accept tht none of the teachers is willing to help when the students r in trouble. They also cant imagine tht the teachers can be so cruel and self-centered!!! Nowadays, students r not tht close with teachers . I am worry tht the relationship between teachers and students will become worse after this incident...

After this incident, i realised tht it's not easy to become a selfish person. I am not sure abt others but i know it's not easy for me to be selfish. Just a bit of selfishness already make me feeling bad (even remorseful) for so long, imagine if i really become selfish like those chit-chatting happily in hte staff rooms???? To prevent feeling bad so much again, i think i shld change my principle : give the best, do the best and enjoy the rest!!! Conclusion：自私不是我的专项也不适合我。。